


Post Endgame

by littlesolo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-02-16 20:32:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18698650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesolo/pseuds/littlesolo
Summary: Various Black Hill prompts that were given to me after seeing ENDGAME.  So obviously SPOILERS AHEAD.  Fix it's ahead too...





	1. A Missing Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Maria looking for Nat when all the avengers are reuniting with their loved ones and someone having to break the news

When Maria regenerates, she’s in the middle of an intersection.  She’s barely able to process what just happened when Nick yanks her out of the way of an on coming car she didn’t see in her daze.  As the car blares it’s horn as it goes by, Nick escorts her to a waiting SHIELD vehicle.  Feeling something in her pocket, she pulls out her phone to discover Sharon calling her.  Despite being back, she knows the fight isn’t over, she can feel it.  She looks from her phone to Nick and awaits orders.  

“Get a quinn jet and go to Barton’s farm, get Sharon to cover Cassie Lang.  I’ll go keep Pepper company and relay further orders from there” orders Nick calmly.  Maria nods and then answers Sharon’s third call to tell her what’s up.  With Thanos still in play, it’s up to them to ensure the safety of their key fighters family.  Nick pulls up to the undercover hanger and Maria gets out.  She had to get to Barton farm  _now._

_–Barton Farm–_

Maria had been to Barton Farm on numerous occasions.  Initially, she’d only been here on business, signing Laura and the kids up as protected persons under SHIELD.  But as her relationship with Natasha grew, she’d been reintroduced to the family as Maria Hill, Natasha’s girlfriend, rather than the Deputy Director of SHIELD.  

Laura places a cup of coffee in front of Maria.  Maria glances up and gives Laura a polite yet tight smile.  She longs to be in the battle herself.  FIghting, that’s something she’s trained for and knows how to do.  Waiting however is much harder.  She does her best to distract herself, but her fingers play across the table like they would on her helicarrier screens.  She longs to be updated by Nick or at least on the shared comms channel so that she could know how Nat and the others were doing, however Laura has a strict no work on the farm policy and Maria respects that.  Instead she plays with Nate and watches Cooper play video games while they wait.  

Finally it’s over and another quinn jet lands at the farm.  Maria hangs back as the Barton family is reunited.  She smiles as she watches Lila and Cooper embrace their dad as he walks off the jet.  Maria allows a few moments for the routine checks and the shut down of the jet but then she’s straining her neck to get a glimpse of her Avenger.  She realizes something is wrong when there’s a no one else coming down the ramp.  She can feel something is wrong in her gut but her head won’t allow her to put the pieces together.  She doesn’t see Clint whisper something in Laura’s ear or Laura’s horrified expression.  She doesn’t realize how pale she’s gone or that her hands have begun to shake.  

Maria stumbles down the porch steps only to be caught by Clint and Cooper before her legs collapse beneath her completely.  She faintly hears Lila ask “Where’s Auntie Nat?” and that’s the final blow that has tears pouring down her face.  

Part of her always knew there was a possibility of Natasha never coming back.  That’s the life of both a SHIELD agent and an Avenger.  But somehow, no matter if it was against aliens or robots, Natasha always came back to her.  

“There was no other way” says Clint softly.  Even in her stunned daze, Maria knows that.  If there had been another way, they would have found it.  No, Natasha had done her job.  

“She go down fighting?” whispers Maria.  It seems the only noble way to go out, that Natasha would have it no other way.  

“She got us the Soul Stone” answers Clint, which hurts even more.  It hadn’t been a fight, more of a surrender.  It hurts so much and Maria has to close her eyes and concentrate on her breathing to make sure she doesn’t hyperventilate.  Opening her eyes, she sees herself surrounded by Clint’s family.  Laura gently places a blanket around Maria’s shoulders and Cooper helps navigate her inside.  But Maria has to know one more thing.  

“How long were we gone?”  

“Five years” answers Clint and for a moment she can see the toll those five years have had on him.  She can’t imagine what it had been like for Natasha.  She sighs as she lets them escort her towards the couch.  

There had been no other way.  


	2. Ghost AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a ghost au please! where natasha becomes a lost soul and ends up watching over (maria) everyone post endgame! “you need to take care of yourself more, maria” “dont do that” “give morgan a tighter hug for me” “i’m sorry”
> 
> I sorta combined this with the prompt of Maria and Carol being drinking buddies

It takes some getting used to, this whole specter thing.  Natasha assumes her new ghostly abilities are a side effect of the Soul Stone.  At least that’s the theory she’s going with.  It seems much more pleasant than the possibility that she’s in her own personal purgatory, forced to watch loved ones move on without her. 

 

She spends time with all the Avengers at first, watching Clint reunite with his family, Thor handing over Asgard, watching Wanda once again deal with a loss of family.  Her concern for the others disappears at Tony’s funeral though.  That’s where she gets her first glance at her Maria.  Maria arrives with the now lanky teenager Harley Keener.  It’s obvious that the boy is nervous and feels out of place, but Maria gives him an encouraging nod and he goes off to pay his respects.  She nods to Rhodey who will look after the boy for the rest of his stay. 

 

Natasha gets as close as she can to Maria without giving herself away, forgetting for a moment that she’s not really there.  It’s obvious that Maria’s been crying more than sleeping lately, but despite all that she’d never shirk her duty.  The expression on her face is solemn, but a mask.  Natasha hates this side of Maria, the compartmentalization, mainly because she knows what follows. 

 

She watches as Maria pays her respects to Pepper, promising to drop by soon, giving the CEO a hug and waving towards Morgan. 

 

“ _Give Morgan a tighter hug from me_ ” whispers Natasha into Maria’s ear only to realize that Maria has never met Morgan before.  Morgan skips the little ways from the porch to hide behind her mother. 

 

“Morgan, this is my friend Maria” says Pepper, and Morgan peeks out from behind her to smile at Maria.  It warms Natasha’s heart because there’s no way Pepper will let Maria simply disappear off on her own.  Clint also corners Maria and invites her as well as Wanda out to the farm for a while. 

 

“Thanks, I’ll think about it.  There’s a lot to clean up from this and I still have to figure a few things out with Fury…” says Maria. 

 

“ _Don’t do that, don’t make up excuses_ ” sighs Natasha.  She knows that it’ll hurt for a while, a long while, but her family is embracing Maria and Natasha wishes that Maria would spend time with them rather than isolating herself and burying herself in work.  She’s doing that even now realizes Natasha as she watches Maria check in with Peter Parker and then follow Nick Fury and Carol Danvers over to the cars. 

 

“Hill, we’ll discuss what happens next in the morning, for now can you take care of the Captain’s accommodations for the night?” asks Fury as he pulls himself into a car.  Maria nods as he drives away and escorts Carol to her own vehicle. 

 

“I’m fine on the sofa if you’ve got one” offers Carol.  Maria nods again, something she’s been doing more and more of instead of actually replying and it’s beginning to worry Natasha.  She can already see Maria retreating into herself. 

 

“So, know anywhere good to get a drink around here?” asks Carol with a lopsided smile.  Maria cocks an eyebrow, not wanting to be in crowds at the moment really.    


“How about a six pack back at my place?” she offers by way of compromise.  Carol nods and buckles in.  It’s about an hour drive back to the city and to Maria’s apartment but the ride passes in a comfortable silence that Maria is grateful for. 

 

Once back at the apartment, Maria opens the door to find Liho on the other side.  Liho comes bounding forward but screeches to a halt at the sight of someone new. 

 

“I know a Flerkin when I see one” says Carol as she leans down to scratch behind Liho’s ears.  Maria gives her a watery smile at that. 

 

“Liho was Natasha’s.”  Carol looks over her shoulder at her, taking in Maria’s mask as it breaks away.  Carol thinks about her reply carefully. 

 

“Did she know what kind of pet she had?” she asked softly.  Maria shakes her head as she wipes at her eyes. 

 

“Nope, Liho was just a stray that followed her home” explains Maria.  “I only knew what it was because I take care of Goose when Fury is offsite.”  Carol smiles at the mention of her old friend. 

 

Natasha watches as the two become comfortable.  Maria hastily throws away signs of her recent PB&J diet, something she picked up from Natasha as comfort food, and cans of Red Bull that keep her going.  Carol sees this and politely looks away as Maria tidies up. 

 

“ _You need to take care of yourself more, Maria_ ” says Natasha.  Liho looks up at this and circles around Nat’s ankles in the middle of the floor.  Natasha wonders what the hell a flerkin is.  Maria hands Carol a bottle of beer and makes herself comfortable on the chair next to the sofa. 

 

“You have anyone waiting for you?” asks Maria.  Carol takes a long swig before answering. 

 

“Yeah.  Maria and Monica Rambeau.  My wife and daughter.  My family” answers Carol.  “They know that I’m wrapping up a few things here but then I’m due some down time.  After twenty years in other galaxies, it’s nice to be home for a bit.” 

 

“They haven’t seen you in twenty years?” asks Maria, unable to imagine being away from Natasha that long on purpose. 

 

“I’ve made a few trips back and we video chat but this time I think I’ll stay and rest a while.” 

 

“Monica Rambeau, I knew that name sounded familiar.  She’s one of SHIELD’s best pilots” remarks Maria as remembers the name.  She remembers specifically that Monica was one of the few pilots to escape when HYDRA revealed itself.  Monica had been one of the pilots that had managed to fly away before the Winter Soldier destroyed all their craft.  Maria does her best to shake her head clear of her thoughts.  The last time she lost people. 

 

“You have anybody?” asks Carol gently. 

 

“I did” says Maria, unable to look Carol in the eye.  Instead she focuses on the horizon from the balcony view of her apartment. 

 

“What do you know about the Soul Stone?” asks Maria.  Carol looks up at her for a long moment, contemplating what she’s getting herself into.

 

“I know that once Fury lays out what his plan is, Steve is going to return it to it’s rightful place along with the rest of the stones…” replies Carol carefully.  Maria nods at this but seems already lost in thought.  “I’m going to make a quick call, alright?” asks Carol, to which Maria nods absently.  “Hi Lieutenant Trouble, is your mom around?  Can I talk to her?  What do you mean no?  You first, huh?  I guess I can do that.  So I know that I said I was coming home soon but something has come up and I have to help out a friend.  Yeah, but she lost something and I can help her get it back.  How crazy?  Eh—on a scale to ten, maybe an eight?” 

 

Maria doesn’t mean to tune Carol out completely but her mind is working in overdrive to see if she understands things correctly.  Could it really be that simple?  Just putting back the stone could bring Natasha back?  She couldn’t be sure but she had to try. 

 

“ _Maria…  don’t do this to yourself_ ….” Begs Natasha, but she can see the gears already turning in Maria’s mind.  Maria can’t help but wonder if this is part of some drunken fantasy, except that she hasn’t had enough to be drunk yet.  She has to try.  She immediately pulls out her phone and calls Pepper, who is overseeing the temp housing for most of the guests at Stark Tower. 

 

“Hey Pepper?  Yeah it’s Maria--  I know, I know it’s late but…  don’t let Steve leave in the morning okay?” 

 

Natasha watches both conversations take place.  Carol has committed herself to seeing Maria to Vormir where Maria intends to swap the stone for her. 

 

Maybe this is what she was meant to see.  The lengths that people will go to for love. 


	3. It Should Have Been Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It should have been me and Clint's survivors guilt

Laura generally tries to keep out of SHIELD business.  She’s open to the team members coming up to visit, after all, they’re like extended family.  Still, there’s a standing rule that unless absolutely necessary, shop talk isn’t allowed on the farm, or at least not around the kids.  She and the children already have it hard enough having to deal with the possibility of Clint not coming back every time there’s a mission, she’d rather not have those horrors brought home as well.  

It’s been five days since the reverse of the snap and two days since Tony’s funeral.  They’d all met Tony during the Ultron crisis, but Laura had thought it best if only Clint went to the service.  Ever since he’d gotten back though, he’d seemed lighter, more at peace.  His nightmares weren’t gone but they didn’t seem as bad, or at least he was coping with them better.  Laura wishes he’d tell her what the dreams were about but Clint always shakes his head, saying he got these images and sounds playing in his head and the last place he wants them is in hers.  

Maria’s visit doesn’t really surprise her, Laura assumes that she’s here to organize a service for Natasha, so here presence was to be expected really.  Her guest, on the other hand, is a bit of a puzzle.  Carol stays outside while Maria marches Clint inside the house for some sort of discussion.  Knowing what that means, Cooper, Nate, and Lila come bounding out the front door seconds later, Nate struggling to stuff his small hand into one of Cooper’s old baseball gloves.  

“You know how to play ball?” asks Nate as he stops short of Maria’s guest.  Carol nods, catch seeming to be a universal game regardless of what planet one was on.  That and her memories were less jumbled than they once were and she remembers playing baseball as a child.  

“How about you guys hit them to me?” offers Carol.  Nate grins at this and looks back at his brother, who has been helping him manage the bat on his own.  Lila comes over to bow out, picking up her bow and a handful of arrows to practice with until her dad can join her.  Laura watches the ease with which the newest addition to the Avengers plays with the boys.  It strikes her that the woman has done this sort of thing before.  

“So what kinda super hero are you?” asks Cooper.  Carol laughs before tossing a high ball that arcs perfectly into Nate’s glove.  

“A space super hero I guess.  Hey why don’t we switch things up and I hit you guys a few?” asks Carol.  Cooper leisurely puts on his mit, walking to the deep end of the yard to get ready.  Nate trails behind, taking two steps for every one of Cooper’s.  After a few minutes, Carol notices Maria coming out and pauses for a moment.  Sensing the mood, Carol pops one with a hint of her powers that sends the boys scrambling to catch it.  

“No.”  

“Maria—”

“No!  I only came here to consult you.  If you won’t tell me how you left her, then I just have to see for myself when I get there” says Maria as she marches down the porch steps.  

Clint closes his eyes and all he can see is Natasha’s crumpled form at the bottom of the rocks.  

“It should have been me, Maria” says Clint loud enough to be heard over Maria’s retreating footsteps.  That brings everything to a pause.  Laura looks over at her husband from the picnic table, Carol turns halfway around from where she’s still holding the bat, Lila lets her arms fall from holding the bow and arrow, and Maria stops to look at him over her shoulder.  Clint sighs.  He hadn’t meant to blurt it out quite like that, but he had to get Maria to stop for a moment.  

“I jumped first but she grabbed me and used me as leverage to jump ahead.  I had her by her wrist, but she… I couldn’t hold on any longer.  She said it was okay… and then she fell.”  He nearly chokes on the words.  “I was supposed to be me….”  

Maria shakes her head at this.  

“No.  It shouldn’t have to be either of you.  I understand that she made her choice and that it was the right choice for the mission, but now we have an opportunity to bring her back.  I can’t just let that go.”  

“You don’t understand Maria, there’s nothing to bring back…” pleads Clint.  Maria lets her shoulder slump and as she hears the boys coming running back with the split baseball, Carol thinks Maria is about to cry.  Instead she turns back towards Clint.  

“Finding her happiness should never mean anyone having to give up theirs, least of all you.  You know she’d never want it that way” explains Maria.  

Clint gives a watery nod at this as Laura reaches his side and envelopes him in a hug.  Maria then turns towards Carol and nods.  

“We’ll see you when we get back” promises Maria and then they’re back in their car and driving off back to Stark Tower.  


	4. A Price To Be Paid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT: Perhaps one where they can exchange the soul stone for Nat after all snaps have been snapped. Or perhaps one where Nat didn't have to sacrifice her life but 'just' her soul (and everything she has fought for so long) so that when she and Clint return, she is more of a shell of a person or maybe the same she was when she was first taken in by shield. 
> 
> I did a variation of this. Maria and Carol go and retrieve Natasha from Vormir...

Since the battle, there aren’t a lot of functioning ships to take into space. Carol tries her hand at negotiating a trade with Rocket, but her idea of a month’s worth of peanut butter is a non starter. What the little mouthy raccoon really wants is Bucky’s arm.

“No deal, Rocket. Bucky is aiding in the rebuilding efforts and needs both arms to help out” argues Maria.

“Yeah well, you two ain’t setting foot on my ship unless I got it” counters the trash panda. Maria is about to kneel to get eye level with the raccoon and lay into him, but Carol has never been a patient person and she’s had it.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m officially commandeering this ship and that’s that” she says followed by blasting the small mammal across the hanger. “Besides, I outrank him” adds Carol as she turns to face Maria. Honestly, neither of them was expecting much of a fight, everyone knew what they were going off to do. Rocket slinks away, muttering about how he always has to do things himself.

The remainder of the afternoon is spent loading up the ship with necessary supplies. Not knowing what state Natasha will be in, they pack so that they’re ready for any medical eventuality. Once that’s done, the usual provisions are taken care of such as food, clothing, and tools. By nightfall, Carol is doing preflight checks with Maria and shortly afterwards, they take off.

They’ve been in space long enough to get comfortable when Carol announces that according to her calculations, it’ll take them three days to get to Vormir and that includes a space jump. Maria nods absently. She’d thought through her plan, replace the Soul Stone and get Natasha back, but she’d never dreamed of going to space much less a distant planet. All of this was becoming very real all of a sudden, along with all warnings she’d gotten. Pepper hadn’t tried to dissuade her, only promised to be there for her regardless of what happened. The others however, had no problem voicing their doubts. Steve had taken her aside and tried to explain to her that she should move on.

“This isn’t your job Maria. Let me replace the stone and be done with it” said Steve gently. It had infuriated Maria. Who was he to tell her to move on when he had never moved on from a kiss he’d had more than seventy years ago. He had hurt Sharon badly with his never ending crush. It had only ended when she realized she could never replace her aunt. Clint had refused to tell her how he’d left Natasha, and to Maria that spoke volumes. Still, there was a chance that Natasha could be brought back and Maria found that she simply couldn’t let that go. She knew she would spend her whole life wondering _what if_ if she didn’t pursue it now.

Carol wasn’t oblivious to her shipmate’s problems. Aside from setting their course, there wasn’t a lot she could do aside from make herself comfortable. She thinks back to Natasha had told her about this woman. She knew Maria’s file, a Commander by rank but also Fury’s most trusted ally and right hand. Fury, who had put his faith in this group of individuals to save earth when the traditional military means wouldn’t cut it. So she’d snooped a little, eager to know what she could about this group that were referred to as her old call sign. During her snooping she had seen both Maria and Natasha’s files, especially since they were in Fury’s inner circle. On paper, they couldn’t be more different. Maria Hill, very rule oriented at first, brought in to supervise Fury. Army first, then SHIELD, and a hard worker that saw herself through the ranks. Then there was Natasha Romanoff. Ballerina, assassin, spy, Avenger. A lethal combination any way you looked at her. Red Room first and then brought to SHIELD. No doubt the least likely to be an Avenger, according to some. The Natasha she knew was a brilliant strategist but also a bit of a romantic, prone to wearing Maria’s clothes, all a size or two too big for her, simply saying that she was stepping into Maria’s boots for a while.

Carol had made a friend of Natasha even though her time on earth was limited. Other planets were dealing with the fallout of Thanos’s snap as well, but it wasn’t just that. Maria and Monica Rambeau had been among the ones turned to dust and staying on earth was simply too hard. Natasha had understood. She could hardly bear going back to the quarters she shared with Maria. So, Natasha and Carol had kept in touch with video chats, trading stories of their loved ones, the only way they knew to keep them alive. To a certain extent, she thought she understood Maria’s pain. She would have traded any number of worlds to have her Maria and Monica back, they were her family. Still, watching Maria silently torture herself with pessimistic outcomes wasn’t something she could do, so she gave the Commander a nudge with her foot to pull her from her thoughts.

“So, how’d all this get started?” asks Carol as she helps herself to a packed sandwich.

“How did what all get started? The Avengers? I have a feeling you know more about that than I do, since according to Nick, he started the Avengers Initiative after you left. I mean you sort of opened his eyes to the fact that we’re not alone out here in the universe—” starts Maria.

“No, no, no… I mean your relationship with someone called the Black Widow. So, was it some kind of whirlwind romance or some epic love tale?”

“This? This is what you want to talk about? Not how we first got introduced to Thanos or all the battles that came before him that changed the world? The fall of SHIELD and how we rebuilt ourselves? Or how about what you’ve been doing for the past five years?” asks Maria.

“We’ll get back to that I’m sure, after all we’ll have a three day journey home as well. But nope, for now all I want to know is how the two of you got together, since if she hadn’t told me a bit about you, I’d say you two are a weird match up” answers Carol with a smirk. Maria laughs. To be honest, sometimes she can’t believe that she and Natasha are a couple herself. Not when Natasha could have her pick of anyone.

“I don’t really know how it all got started. My earliest memory is of her intake evaluation after Barton brought her back. She was… She had already made a name for herself, The Black Widow had a list of bodies associated with her name. But that day, I don’t know, she didn’t seem larger than life or like someone worthy of the title. She just seemed like a young woman who was tired and didn’t see another way forward. She didn’t want money or a new identity, just a new shot at a clean slate, and we could give her that. We couldn’t erase her past but we could help her be more than it” explains Maria with a shrug, her gaze still focused out the front windows.

“Huh” replies Carol. Maria turns in her seat then, raising an eyebrow at the Captain.

“You start this conversation and all you have to say is ‘Huh’?”

“It’s just according to Natasha, a certain agent had been very persistent in tracking her down over a number of years. Following her every movement and picking up her trail everywhere for three years. Then that same agent sent Barton in with an offer he had no authority to make” says Carol as she watches a blush float over Maria’s cheeks.

“Only because she wanted to be tracked. She had taken out some key targets of ours to get us on her tail again.”

“Us?”

“Fine, me. I was tasked with seeing what the biggest threats to SHIELD and she was one of many. Turning her wasn’t hard and neither was convincing Nick.

“Mhmm” laughs Carol. She can’t help it. Seems that Natasha and Maria were both in his inner circle since not even Tony Stark was allowed to call him Nick.

“Why am I even telling you if you already heard it from Nat?” asks an exasperated Maria. Except she’s not really all that put out. It felt nice to share with someone about her and Nat.

Three days pass sooner than expected, with Maria silently pleading for Natasha to hold on, that they were coming. She tries as hard as she can but can’t help but wonder how many times Natasha had been waiting for help that hadn’t come or hadn’t been soon enough. It’s why Maria trusted very few others with the handling of the Hawk and Spider. Natasha could endure more than most because she had been trained to do so, but that didn’t mean she had to. Maria thinks to herself that this is another one of those times, just because she’d died didn’t mean she had to stay dead. They were Avengers in this brave new world were things like magic and time travel existed. They were going to bring her back.

**_-VORMIR-_ **

If not for the task at hand, Maria would appreciate the ethereal beauty of Vormir. As it is though, it seems a solemn resting place. A temporary resting place, she reminds herself. Carol had agreed that this was a mission that Maria needed to see through on her own, and stayed behind on the ship. Maria had agreed to take a radio as precaution and her fingers danced over the talk button out of nervousness. Suddenly a cloaked figure appeared. She knew who he was based on what Clint had told her but seeing Red Skull was something else.

“Maria, daughter of—” he begins, but Maria cuts him off.

“Save it. I’m here to bring her back” says Maria curtly.

“The daughter of Ivan made her choice” answers the Keeper of the Stone.

“And I am returning the Soul Stone so that you can return her to me.”

“Know this, she sacrificed her soul. She will not be the same as when she entered. A sacrifice was needed and a sacrifice was made.” Maria tries not to read too much into the words.

“Just tell me what I have to do to bring her back.”

Maria does as the specter instructs and finds herself awakening in a pool of water, unsure of when she blacked out. On her hip comes Carol’s almost frantic requests for an update.

“I’m fine” she replies into the device. That’s when she realizes she’s not alone. Natasha is lying next to her. “Nat? Nat wake up” pleads Maria. This is real she can feel Natasha under her finger tips. This is why she had come.

“Commander Hill? Where are we and why are you here?” asks Natasha. Maria places her fingers under Natasha’s chin and guides her face to look at her. A shiver goes down her spine. This is not her Natasha. This is the Natasha she had told Carol about. The Natasha she had first met.

A price had been paid. 


	5. Refresher in History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like the end of this chapter, it seems rushed. I may come back to it.

Maria does her best to keep her emotions under control as she escorts Natasha back to the ship.  They’re both wet and cold, but Maria is simply focusing on putting one foot in front of the other while her brain desperately tries to catch up.  She falls back into the role of a soldier, treating Natasha like she would any victim after a crisis.  That’s something she can do without much thought.  Carol meets them at the ship’s ramp with blankets.  The silence between the two makes her suspicious.  Maria’s not exactly a chatter box, but she expected something out of the two lovers after a rescue and five long years of separation.  Carol raises an eyebrow at the Commander’s now blank expression as Natasha makes her way to the back of the ship. 

 

“Maria?” asks Carol hesitantly. 

 

“She doesn’t remember.  Doesn’t remember us at all” says Maria as she watches Natasha’s retreating form.  Carol looks at her puzzled. 

 

“What else doesn’t she remember?” asks Carol, mildly panicking. 

 

“I don’t know, we didn’t get that far.  She simply addressed me as Commander Hill.  That’s something she hasn’t done since about a year and a half into our working together as handler and agent” explains Maria with a sigh.  It’s practically back at the beginning.  The new development felt like a one two punch, and had taken a whole lot out of her.  But with the next breath, Maria’s fragile mask is back in place as she goes to check on Natasha.  Carol tries to absorb what Maria just told her but in her mind all she can see is her Maria’s face when she returned to Louisiana for the first time. 

 

Carol doesn’t know what she expected, but it wasn’t this.  Her mind can’t reconcile the Natasha she was seeing now to the one she had video chatted with for five years.  She figures this means Natasha has no idea who she is either anymore.  Shaking her head clear, she realizes that that’s not important right now.  Right now, getting home is the priority.  She looks over to the copilot’s seat and sees Maria running through various preflight checks. 

 

“Okay everyone, strap in.  We’ve got a three-day journey home ahead of us” announces Carol as she toggles various switches and knobs on the console to initiate the take-off sequence. 

 

Carol manages for two hours, hoping that Maria will do something, before having to talk to Natasha herself.  She’d tried to remain silent but all she could think about was how Natasha had supported her during the longest five years of her life.  Carol had a habit of video chatting with her Monica and Maria usually a few times a week, but both had been taken from her during the snap.  Natasha had understood and had kept the line open for Carol should she need to chat.  Sometimes it was a few times a week, other times it was once every two months, but every time, no matter the hour, Natasha had been there for her.  She unbuckles herself and goes to the back of the ship where Natasha has made herself comfortable.  Physically, it’s the same woman she’s been talking to for five years.  The same one size too big clothing (that on further inspection is probably Maria’s) and the same mix of blonde- and red-haired braid that drapes over her shoulder.  Natasha looks at her with an impassive gaze as she approaches. 

 

“Natasha, I’m Carol Danvers, do you remember me?” asks Carol.  She holds her breath, holding out on the slim hope that she does. 

 

“Sorry, I don’t.”  Carol slowly lets the breath out and does her best to keep her disappointment from showing. 

 

“What do you think is happening now?” asks Carol carefully.  Natasha gives a shrug but regards her carefully before repositioning herself in her chair. 

 

“I assume you and the Commander are here recovering me after a mission” states the spy.  Carol watches her carefully and despite her calm outward appearance, she can see questions forming in Natasha’s mind. 

 

“What do you remember aside from that?  Any details of the mission?”  Natasha shakes her head again. 

 

Nothing really other than the basics.  I am a SHIELD operative being retrieved from a rare mission where Barton was not required to accompany me.  My mind, like the rest of me, is SHIELD property.  It’s not the first time I’ve been unmade” sighs Natasha in frustration.  Carol can’t help the shudder that goes through her.  In an instant, she remembers hanging by her ankles as the Skrulls flitted through her memories.  She hopes that’s not Natasha means.  Actually, at the word “unmade” gives her an uneasy feeling and hints at something more sinister than what she experienced.  Carol shakes her head clear of those thoughts though.  Knowing what it’s like to have one’s mind tampered with, Carol feels an almost desperate need to make Natasha understand what’s happened.  Natasha, on the other hand, seems to carry on as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.  Natasha tilts in her seat to get a better view of Maria. 

 

“Was the mission successful, Commander?” asks the spy.  Carol turns to see Maria standing a few feet away, tablet in hand.  Maria bows her head for a moment to compose herself before answering. 

 

“Yes, the mission was successful.  You saved the universe, Natasha” says Maria as she chokes back a sob.  Natasha looks at her uncertainly but Maria takes a seat next to her.  Carol looks over to the console briefly to ensure that the autopilot is still engaged.  They sit and explain for the next few hours what Natasha’s role was in everything.  Maria stays silent when Carol explains what getting the Soul Stone actually entailed.  Natasha is silent as she absorbs everything that’s happened.  Maria’s account of what happened comes mostly from Natasha’s own carefully kept logs from the tablet she’d been pouring over for the past few days.  She gone through years and years of data, with Carol filling in blanks when she could.  This debriefing also informs Carol as to what she missed.  Maria tells them of Loki’s attack on New York, of the fall of SHIELD, of Ultron and the Sokovia Accords.  In retrospect, it’s easier to see how everything was according to Thanos’s plan.  By the time they land back on Earth, Natasha has been all caught up, but Carol remains unhappy. 

 

“You didn’t tell her anything about you” whispers Carol to Maria as they undergo various landing procedures. 

 

“If she remembers, great, but I’m not going to put the pressure of a relationship on her along with everything else” says Maria determinedly.  Saying out loud helps cement the idea in her mind where every other aspect of her seems to be crumbling. 

 

They had all taken brief naps every once in a while, but for the most part Maria had recounted for both as much as she knew of SHIELD and Avenger’s history.  There were events she wasn’t so clear such as Thor’s experience with the ether, or how Dr. Strange came to be in possession of the Time Stone, but the events she did know of, she was honest and set the issue of red tape aside, knowing that these two women would know better than to repeat anything uttered here. 

 

“So, she gets to know that she’s Lila’s favorite Auntie Nat, but not your lover?” hisses Carol again.  Maria sighs.  She figures if they are meant to be, they’ll find each other again.  Or at least so says numerous love songs and romantic movies, but Maria knows better than to believe in that.  She believes in what she knows.  She knows that Natasha died but even before that, they had both known that every moment they spent together was precious.  In their lines of work, and given the state of things now, Maria knows that there’s a very a slim chance that they’ll cross paths again except at debriefings.  Except that’s how this whole thing started.  So, maybe there was hope.  

 

When they land, Clint is waiting for them at the end of the ramp.  Tears come to his eyes as he is reunited with the friend that he’d thought was lost forever.  Natasha hesitates, but only for a moment before returning his hug.  She doesn’t see the heart broken look on Maria’s face,

but Clint does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I won't leave things like this for long. I already have the next chapter plotted out. kinda......sorta..... but there's hope of it getting posted soon!


	6. A Secret to be Kept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is being kept from Natasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT THIS STORY!!!!! I just didn't know how to get out of the hole I dug for myself. Now I do, so semi regular updates will now resume! Yay!

Natasha knows there’s something the Commander isn’t telling her.  It’s written all over her face from the way she won’t maintain eye contact to the way she’s been absently chewing at her bottom lip.  That being said, Natasha is used to not being told everything, she figures she’ll find out one way or another if she really wants to.  She isn’t wrong.  Captain Carol Danvers seems on the verge of blurting whatever it is out numerous times on the way home, but Natasha suspects it would be going against orders.  

 

When they land, they are met by Clint Barton, and Natasha is relieved to see a familiar face.  Clint looks like he wants to approach but for some reason he seems unsteady on his feet.  Natasha gives him a moment to gather himself, and turns to the Commander.  The Commander’s arm is outstretched and Natasha looks down to see her hand almost ready to grasp her elbow.  Thinking better of it, Maria draws her hand back to her side. 

 

The Commander seems on the verge of telling her something when her cellphone rings.  Natasha knows that ring, it’s Fury.  The Commander’s fingers go immediately to the earpiece in her left ear, but not before Natasha catches what looks like an expression of regret cross her face as she answers. 

 

“Sir?” 

 

Then she and the others look up and note a second quin jet coming in for a landing on the tower.  “Yes sir, the recovery was successful.  I’m just leaving her in Barton’s care” answers Maria, her business mask firmly back in place.  Clint raises an eyebrow at being addressed by his surname and is about to ask what is up when Nick Fury emerges from the second quin jet.  Carol watches her old friend closely.  At seeing Natasha alive and well, Nick Fury nearly stumbles but manages to catch himself and clasps his hands behind his back. 

 

“Agent Romanoff, good to have you back” he says as he stops briefly before pulling her into a hug.  The hug is unexpected, but Natasha has a feeling that Fury doesn’t hug just anyone, so she returns the gesture.  She supposes it’s step one of getting used to her new life: accepting hugs from people.  When he releases her, he nods in greeting to Carol and Clint.  “There’s some weather-related event happening in Mexico…” he says by way of explaining his presence.  Natasha had assumed there was something, he wouldn’t have come all this way just to see her.  Fury turns and meets the Commander’s waiting form.  He and the others catch what Natasha misses, the look of longing on Maria’s face before she shifts her gaze to the data pad in her hands.  Maria nods, seemingly to herself, and her actions seem oddly stilted as she hands over the data pad to Natasha.  Internally, Maria is at war with herself.  She wants to, for just this once, say screw duty.  There’s always something happening in Mexico, why does she need to be there to watch it unfold?  On the outside though, she merely sighs and settles on awkwardly squeezing Nat’s forearm.  She shares a firm look with Carol and a meaningful look with Clint before going to board Nick’s jet. 

 

Clint scratches the back of his head as his gaze shifts between Carol, who is glaring at Maria’s retreating back, and then back to Fury. 

“You need us to suit up?” asks Clint.  He hopes the answer is no.  He crosses all his fingers and toes hoping the answer is no, that the world can go on spinning without him and Nat just this once. 

 

“No, you’ve all earned some down time.  Take care of yourselves” remarks Fury to them as he turns to follow Maria up the ramp.  He turns once more towards Carol.  “Tell Maria and Monica I say hi.”  And with that he leaves, off to help save the world again. 

 

Carol sighs.  She had extended her mission nearly a week, but as eager as she is to see her family again, she feels like she’s leaving things at loose ends.  Carol tilts her head over her shoulder at Barton, and Clint shrugs but squeezes Nat’s shoulder before going over to the Captain. 

 

Another hushed conversation that Natasha isn’t meant to hear.  So instead of eavesdropping, Natasha focuses on the data pad in her hands.  The Commander had kept it close at hand the entire voyage home, going over whatever was on it over and over whenever she wasn’t sleeping or talking to Nat.  Now it was hers to go through.  It was odd, going over your own thoughts and worries.  It was like finding an old journal but in reverse.  The person who had filled the data pad was a leader, an Avenger, and someone the world counted on.  A person who had sacrificed herself for the fate of the world without hesitation.  But that was a different Natasha.  The Natasha of now was still trying to get SHIELD to trust her on solo missions.  It was a lot to wrap one’s head around. 

 

Before she can give it much thought, Clint is at her side again. 

 

“Let’s grab some of your things and then head to the farm” says Clint.  Natasha tucks the data pad under her elbow and nods. 

 

 

They’ve arrived at the apartment and Clint had just inserted the key when his phone begins to ring.  Natasha smirks.  It’s somehow comforting how despite all the years away that Clint still uses Blondie’s _Call Me_ as his ringtone for Laura. 

 

“Hang on I gotta take this.  Can you- ?“  asks Clint as he tilts his head towards his phone.  Natasha nods.  She makes her way inside and grabs a duffle from the closet.  The inside of her small studio apartment isn’t all that different from what she imagined.  There isn’t even a decaying potted plant.  Little does she know that that’s because she moved in with Maria officially some years ago.  It doesn’t take her long to stuff the duffle bag full with the contents of her dresser and aside from a few miscellaneous weapons scattered around, which she was pretty sure she wouldn’t need at the farm, there wasn’t anything she couldn’t live without.  Clint’s just finishing his call when she makes her way outside. 

 

“Hon, it wasn’t my call.  Here she is now.  We’ll see you soon."

 

* * *

It had been nearly five days since Natasha had been taken to the farm.  From what Carol has heard, everyone had dropped by to see for themselves that Natasha had been brought back.  Apparently, everyone from Pepper and Morgan to T’Challa and Okoye had come to welcome Natasha back.  Carol can only hope that the experience wasn’t completely overwhelming for the Avenger. 

 

“That is the third time today you’ve checked your communicator for messages” says Maria Rambeau as she wipes her hands clean of oil.  “You expecting a call out or something?”  Carol shrugs at this.  She doesn’t know what she was expecting.  She had promised the red-haired Avenger that she could call her if she needed anything, but there hadn’t been anything yet. 

 

“So, what’s the turn over?” asks Maria. 

 

“The what?” asks Carol, finally looking up from the screen. 

 

“The thing you keep turning over and over in your head, what is it?” clarifies Maria as she leans against the workshop table.  Carol sighs and scratches the back of her head as she tries to find the words to explain. 

 

“When I came back, I had no idea about my life…. Who I was…. But…” 

 

“But?”

 

“But then we came here, and I saw you again, and all these fuzzy memories became a little clearer.  Then Monica showed me the photos of us from way back and those memories became… not any less hazy at the time, but real.  They were something real I could hold on to” explains Carol.  To be honest, she’s not sure she’s making much sense but the look that Maria is giving her keeps her trying to make her point clear. 

 

“You were something I had to hold on to and helped me remember who I was.  But Natasha….  She doesn’t even have that because Hill decided not to tell her.” 

 

“And you want to make that happen.  Give her something to hold on to?” says Maria, following her train of thought.  Carol makes a show of shrugging her shoulders.  “Anything saying you can’t?” 

 

“Commander Hill says she didn’t want to add the pressure of a relationship to the situation” mutters Carol.  Here Maria smirks and tries to hold back a laugh.  Carol gives her a look when it slips out anyway. 

 

“You don’t think I was overjoyed to see you again?  I never thought you died, but I was pretty damn sure I’d never see you again.  And then, almost like magic, after all those years, here you were, back in my life again.  I personally didn’t care about the Skrulls or finding the tesseract, but it’s what you almost died doing.  So, that became the priority.  I just had to… wait until there was time for us.  And it’s not like we weren’t a lot too.  A black single mother and her daughter, it’s not exactly like time has made things any easier on me.  But we waited and here you are.” 

 

“So, I should just let it be?” asks Carol as she fiddles with a hole in her jeans.  Maria narrows her eyes and gives her a hard look. 

 

“The Carol I know and love isn’t one to let things go” retorts Maria as she crosses her arms.  Carol gives her a half smile. 

 

“Problem is, I only know half the story.  All I ever knew was Natasha’s little snippets of how they got together.  Bits about her Maria.  I heard a little more from Hill as we made our way to Vormir, but what they have?  It’s years and years of a relationship.  I find myself envious of it a bit if I’m honest… But, point is, I don’t have the answers Natasha may be looking for.  I don’t know if I’m the right friend for her right now.” 

 

“And you, knowing all this, think you’re the only one feeling this way?  How much you want to bet her nearest and dearest also want to tell her about Maria?” asks Rambeau.  Carol sighs and sinks back down on to the stool next to the work bench. 

 

“Dinner’s ready!” calls Monica from the main house.  Carol nods to herself and pulls her Maria close.  She can give it a few more days. 

 

* * *

When she isn’t being the center of everyone’s attention, Natasha has been doing her best to stay out of everyone’s way.  Because of her, Clint’s little piece of solitude of the farm had been broken.  They’d had visitors of all sorts come and see Natasha, see that she’s actually alive again.  You’d think they’d have their hands full with everyone being back from being dusted but everyone from Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes to Wakandan royalty make time to visit with the recently fallen Avenger. 

 

It’s the first time in a while that Natasha has had a moment to herself so she uses the time to pour over the data pad.  She’s gone over pages and pages of incident reports.  She wonders what Maria could have found in the data pad that had her absorbed in it for most of the ride home.  Natasha’s been over it three times, and is waiting to find something to jump out at her.  Idly, she starts messing with things, things that don’t matter.  Drafts of emails to a raccoon for instance.  That’s when she comes across it.  The trash can icon.  The icon itself is fine, it’s the contents that are password protected apparently. 

 

“Whatcha up to?” asks Lila as she wanders over to the guest house porch where Natasha is seated in the hammock. 

 

“Trying to guess a password…” answers Natasha as she tries another number and letter variation. 

 

“Don’t you have tech for that?” asks Lila.  Natasha cocks an eyebrow and grins at Lila. 

 

“Normally, yes.  But it seems that I came up with it myself, so odds are greater that I’ll come up with it eventually.  What do you know about password breaking tech anyway?” asks a curious Natasha.  Lila shrugs as she uses a finger to test the pointiness of one of her arrows. 

 

“How do you think I got around Cooper’s precious protected gaming system?”  Natasha lets out a bark of laughter. 

 

“So then, give me a good guess as to what password I’d use on something” tries Natasha.  Who knows maybe the kid will have better luck than she has.  Lila shrugs again. 

 

“I dunno, you wouldn’t have told me.  There’d be lots of letters, numbers, and symbols probably” Lila guesses.  Natasha sighs.  While she knows there’s no way the child she didn’t know existed would know her password, she was hoping for a hint.  Or at least something that would narrow down her field of possibilities to just about anything. 

 

It’s three in the morning when she finally cracks it.  Some obscure Russian word and the date 1928.  No odd symbols or anything.  Opening the trash, she finds one solitary file.  A video file.  Taking a deep breath, she taps the icon twice and it opens. 

 

“ _Maria, I’m making this video in case something happens.  Well, something always happens, but I mean something I can’t…. can’t come back from.  I spotted Tony making one and it just seemed… I don’t know what’s going to happen.  I’ve never time traveled before.  Time travel!  How cool is that?  Anyway, if this works, if we can bring everyone back…. Well, then you’ll be back too.  God, you have no idea how much I want that….  Maria, I love you and if you get this it means something went wrong and I haven’t come back from…. Well, I don’t quite know.  Geez, this is harder than I thought it would be.  Uh, Liho is getting black hair all over your favorite pillow because she misses you.  Um… also I didn’t know how hard your job is until now.  Keeping an eye on all on all fronts… being ready for absolutely anything…  Like missing you…  God, I miss you. For the past five years I’ve been trying to do one thing, get to right here.  That’s all it’s been about.  Bringing everybody back…. So I can’t wait to see you…….._

 _…………..I love you…_.”.

 

The clip ends quickly after that but Natasha is still trying to process what she saw.  So many little things made sense.  The way Maria had constantly seemed ready to touch her, only to pull back at the last second.  Natasha had thought it had been just an instinctive response to dealing with the Black Widow.  Settling back in her seat she tries to wrap her head around it all.  Love.  Well, love is for children, or so she’d been taught to believe.  But the same was said of family.  That the only family was Red Room, but here she has met numerous people whose her as family.  She thought about the possible reasons to keep this from her but couldn’t come up with one that made sense.  Had things changed during the snap?  Did Maria not love her anymore?  Wait, that didn’t make sense seeing as how Maria had reduced to dust as well… her name was among the ones listed in the data pad’s files as one of the ones identified as missing.  Shaking her head clear of everything, she noted it was now nearly dawn.  Natasha thought of the people she had met recently.  Her mind drifted to Captain Marvel for a moment but she decided on someone closer to home.  In the time that she remembers, she knows Laura Barton pretty well.  She has a feeling Laura was probably against keeping the secret from Natasha but did so because her husband asked her to.  Thinking back to the end of the phone call she’d overheard, she knows this to be true.  Smirking, Natasha turns in for a few hours of sleep. 

She had a plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whatdaya think??


	7. Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha chats with Laura and Pepper gives Maria a talking to...

Natasha jerks awake from another dream of warm orange water on a distant planet.  It puzzles her to no end.  She expected to have memories of her short past, missions, ballet, maybe even Maria, but no, all she remembers is coming to in the water to the most beautiful sky she’d ever seen.  And then there had been Maria, at her side.  Maria… it all comes back to her.  Sighing, Natasha gets up and grabs a nearby shirt. 

 

Maybe saying she had a plan was going a little far.  She had the beginnings of a plan, a course of action really.  Oh hell, she was just going to talk to Laura.  That’s as far ahead as she’s gotten around to thinking.  The only problem is that she had no idea how to bring up the topic at hand.  Natasha spends a good portion of the morning shadowing Clint’s wife, waiting for the opportunity to bring things up, along with noting all the tasks required to keep the archer’s family house hold running. 

 

Laura plows through seemingly endless tasks, cleaning up after the kid’s lunch, making sure that Nate was happily playing with LEGOs.  Then she moves onto Lila’s archery gear. 

 

Lila has become quite the archer, following in her father’s footsteps.  Laura tries not to give that possibility much thought.  Initially, she had been reluctant to let Clint instruct Lila even though Lila promised she was only committing to a hobby.  Laura had only agreed after obtaining a signed waiver from Nicholas J Fury that he would not poach her daughter, or any of her other children for that matter, for any of his super hero teams.  Laura had met Peter Parker at Tony Stark’s service and while the boy had proven himself capable time and time again, all she could think about was the fact that he was only a few years older than Cooper.  Since Lila had begun her training though, Laura had found her experimenting with her father’s special arrows more than once and now she makes of a habit of periodically going over Lila’s gear.  She knows Clint oversees every aspect of Lila’s training but this allows her some peace of mind. 

 

Laura’s mind is currently preoccupied with their red-haired visitor.  She knows better than to push Natasha to talk, she’ll talk when she’s ready.  Until then though, she’ll just have to put up with Natasha’s reproachful gaze and the assumption that she knows something when odds are she knows nothing. 

 

Laura had finally gotten used to the brooding spy’s presence when Natasha speaks up. 

 

“How long have Maria and I been in lo-  How long have we been a couple?”  Laura sets down the arrow she’s examining and takes in Natasha.  At first glance nothing seems off except for the fact she can’t maintain eye contact and if you squint there’s a faint red blush on her cheeks.  She didn’t miss Natasha’s little slip up either. 

 

“What makes you think you two are either?” asks Laura carefully as she replaces the arrows in the quiver. 

 

“I found a video.  A trashed video that I… That was meant for Maria…” is as much as Natasha admits.  Laura nods.  She had wondered if like Stark, Natasha had known she wouldn’t be walking away from this one. 

 

“What do you want to know?” asks Laura.  She’d been the one to field the assassin’s nervous questions in the past but felt she had few answers for her now.  The real person she needed to be talking to was Maria.  Natasha seems to know this too as she doesn’t do much more than shrug. 

 

“That person in the video… she has… We may look alike but I’m not her, not anymore.  I’m just not sure… I’m not sure the person that Maria loves still exists.” 

 

“So, maybe she doesn’t.  It doesn’t mean she won’t be there for you.” 

 

“I don’t know much about her.  She’s my superior officer.  The second in command and Fury’s most trusted ally—” Natasha stops listing credentials as she notices Laura shaking her head. 

 

“Above all, she’s your friend.  You two used to be more than that, and yes, things have changed.  But just like Clint and I, she will always be there to love and support you.  You may not be the Natasha that she expected to find, but she’ll always be there for you.”  She can tell Natasha doesn’t believe her, especially judging by the skeptical look Natasha is giving her, but that’s fine.  It’ll just be up to Maria to show her. 

 

 

Maria sighs as she settles into her seat on Pepper’s private jet, feeling the full force of her exhaustion hit her.  She’d spent the last three days tracking down and capturing all the idiots in Quentin Beck’s little crew.  Victoria Snow, Gutes Gutermanm and Janice Lincoln were loyal, Maria would give them that, the three continuously spouting off on how Beck was meant to be the world’s next Iron Man.  Maria had gladly handed the three of them over to detainment and pushed all thoughts of them from her mind.  The only lingering piece of this whole mess was William Ginter Riva, the only member of Beck’s team who managed to escape their grasp.  Dimitri was kicking himself over how the pesky member had manage to not only get past him but make his way all the way to New York.  Pepper had been called in on the whole operation seeing as how all involved were ex-SI employees.  What they expected her to do, Maria had no idea, but Pepper had been there for the past three days trying to help them make sense of everything.  When Pepper had offered Maria a ride home on her jet, she’d leapt at the chance to get away from the madness for a bit.  Before she got back to Natasha. 

 

“What are you thinking?” asks Pepper as she tucks herself into the seat across from Maria. 

 

“That Mysterio is the stupidest name I’ve ever heard…” grumbles Maria as Pepper laughs. 

 

“So, I’m guessing that you’re more than ready to go back home” says Pepper as she straps in.  Maria avoids eye contact, instead opting for a view out the window as they take off.  “Maria?” 

Home.  It used to be so simple.  Maria had never really had a set home, just a place she slept really.  When she had first started at SHIELD, she stayed in the barracks with Sharon.  Eventually, they’d get an apartment together but even then, it had only been a place to sleep and store her stuff.  Maria had always lived on her feet, the job, whatever it was, getting her whole focus and energy. 

 

And then she met Natasha.  The Slavic Shadow or the Black Widow, or a handful of other colorful aliases that evoked fear in most.  In Maria, it simply made her more curious.  For a woman who had all this acclaim, what could SHIELD give her that she couldn’t create or outsource for herself?  Instead, it turned out that all she wanted was a new start, and that was one of the few things they could give her.  And that became Maria’s job, or at least given all her knowledge in tracking down the assassin, Nick felt she was best suited for the job.  Maybe she had gotten too involved, but there was something about Natasha that simply drew her in.  In order to clear her head and put a little distance between them, she made Phil Coulson Natasha’s handler.  Despite her efforts she always seemed to be pulled into Natasha’s orbit.  Little did she know that Natasha was pulling strings to stay on Maria’s radar, Natasha wanted to know all she could about the agent that had tracked her down. 

 

“Maria?” tries Pepper again, bringing her back to the now.  This time it’s Maria who laughs. 

 

“My sense of home is sort of missing at the moment.  Thanos’s last attack took out the new Avenger’s facility, which is where our shared apartment is.  I still have my old apartment with a few things in it, but not much.  Oh, and Liho, I have Liho” answers Maria with a sigh, trying to keep tears out of her voice. 

 

“I’m sorry Maria” says Pepper with an expression of sympathy that Maria doesn’t know what to do with.  “You know you can always stay with us—” starts Pepper but Maria is already shaking her head.  Pepper sighs.  “You don’t always have to figure everything out on your own, you know.”  Maria shrugs.  She really doesn’t know any other way. 

 

“Home used to be where ever Nat was” mutters Maria, almost to herself as she leans back and closes her eyes. 

 

“You two could have been figuring this out together you know…” says Pepper lightly as she double checks her phone.  Maria refuses to look at her, hoping that means end of discussion, but she really should know better. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell her you two were a couple?” asks Pepper bluntly.  She knows she’s one of the few that can get away with asking this question.  Aside from maybe Nick, the question would be met with a glare and stony silence, much as it was now, except that Pepper could wait her out.  It was a long flight home. 

 

“I could see the way it was effecting her.  Carol was telling Natasha about the good that she’d done for her personally, and Natasha, well… she didn’t say anything outright, it was, I don’t know, it was a bunch of little things…” explains Maria as she shifts in her seat.  She remembers every little movement.  The way she’d placed her mask firmly in place, the way she gripped seat she was sitting in, the way she broke out in a sweat.  “She wasn’t handling it well and that was just being someone to talk to.  I couldn’t put the weight of a whole relationship on her…” says Maria as she gazes out the window. 

 

“Did you ever consider that you two could have weathered that together.  That you could have been a tether for her in all this?” asks Pepper.  Maria turns to look at Pepper. 

 

“I’m practically a stranger to her, Pepper”

 

“A stranger to her now, yes.  But had you told her, a she would know that you loved all of her, and that she trusted you enough to start a relationship.  A relationship that lasted years” explains Pepper.  Maria is silent for a long while before she speaks again. 

 

“So, how do I fix this?” she asks quietly. 

 

“Talk to her.  I’ll tell the pilot we’re dropping you at the farm” says Pepper as she walks towards the cockpit. 


End file.
